Imperfect Perfections
by Viva Raine
Summary: A four-year-old Ben Solo and Han decide to throw Leia a surprise party - which ends up in a lotta fluff, a little humor and a gigantic mess.


_Hey guys! So... this is the first story I'm posting on here and to be honest I'm kinda scared... so be nice...? :P Enjoy!_

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Inwardly, Leia sighed; this exchange had likely taken place at least a dozen times today, followed by questions like, "Why can milk be so many different colors?" and "How come I have to wear clothes and Chewie doesn't?" and everything in between. Working from home was supposed to be some kind of break, some kind of advantage, but with a four-year-old son with too many questions and not enough caretakers, it was becoming more of a headache than anything else.

But as much as a large part of her wanted to snap the opposite, she found herself replying, "Of course Ben, what is it?"

A few dark bangs fell across his forehead as he scrunched his eyebrows in thought and stared at his mother. "What's your favorite color?"

Leia blinked, trying not to seem as bewildered as she felt. _Favorite color?_ Surely she'd had one, long before the days of the Empire, when her world had consisted of doing her best to keep silent during royal banquets that seemed more like political debates and playing pranks on her aunts who failed to understand her motive for wanting to do more than stare in the mirror and twirl.

Vaguely, she remembered demanding that everything come in pink, and just as vaguely remembered insisting that she'd grown out of it a few years later. There was something about turquoise that was gently tugging on the corner of her mind, but it grew fainter and fainter until it was nearly gone. Once she'd officially entered the realm of the Senate, which had quickly turned to an arena, and then a war zone, she hadn't had time for such trivial matters, often settling for whatever was most practical at the time. White, if she expected to be in a hot system, black, a color that was often a large part in primitive cultures, brown or grey if she didn't want to be noticed. Everything had its place, its purpose, its meaning. There hadn't been a such thing as "favorite colors".

And here was her four-year-old son, still staring intently as if the galaxy depended on her reply.

"Well…ah… Ben, do I have a little time to think about it?" She might simply be discussing colors with her toddler son, but she was determined to tell him the truth about herself; there had been so much deceit in her childhood, so many reasons to doubt truths she'd believed and to trust lies she'd been fed. And there was no way she would allow that to happen to she and Han's child.

But impatient, like every other day in his short life, (a trait he got from both his parents, to be honest) Ben shook his head. "Nope. It's really, really important and I kind of need to know now."

Well then. He kind of needed to know now. "Maybe blue, or green. They were the… " She trailed off.

"Colors of your planet that got blowed up, weren't they?" His voice sounded strangely quiet.

Astounded, Leia unconsciously took a step backwards. She and Han knew that any children they had were extremely likely to be strong in the Force, and they'd accepted that. They'd even gone so far as to give Luke permission to train their child as he saw fit. But Ben's Force-sensitivity was only beginning to really show now, whether a model ship was flying across the room in a burst of anger, he was waiting excitedly for someone he'd sensed still a good kilometer away, or in moments like these, when he would read someone's thoughts like it was the most ordinary thing in the galaxy.

"Yes, Ben, those were the colors of my planet." A few tears she hadn't been able to will back pricked her eyes, and feeling her whirling emotions, Ben inched closer to wrap his arms around her waist.

"Does it make you sad?" She couldn't remember the last time her son had sounded so hushed and gentle.

"A little bit. I miss my mommy and daddy a lot."

She watched Ben swallow, watched him blink desperately. "I know." His voice sounded a little scratchy, and so uncharacteristic of her over-hyper son. "Somehow I can feel what you're feeling." He took a second to calm himself down, before whispering, "Mommy? Could you… please stop thinking about them? It feels like… It feels like someone… ripped part of my heart out."

She knelt to be on the same level as him and reached out her arms to hold him close. "Oh, Ben.." This was what she hadn't wanted to happen, why she was so hesitant to encourage the Force in her son. Her regrets were surrounding her, sending tears to her eyes, drowning out the sounds of the automatic door swishing open and eager footsteps.

"Hey, what's everybody mopin' around here for?"

"Daddy!" Ben shrieked, and life was back to normal.

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Despite the heavy conversation Leia and Ben had shared before Han had arrived home, their dinner seemed unaffected by it; Ben had chatted breathlessly the whole time (completely normal), Han had complimented Leia on the food before he'd tasted it (also normal) and Leia had been able to relax for the first time in what seemed like forever and simply enjoy the company of her small but beautiful family (growing increasingly less normal). In fact, the only thing that had seemed unusual was the strange looks Ben kept shooting at Han, as if he was attempting to get his attention in a somewhat inconspicuous way, something he hadn't quite mastered.

Finally, Leia had laughed, unable to watch Ben raising his eyebrows and staring with his eyes abnormally wide any longer. "Bennie, if you need to tell Daddy something, go ahead."

He'd turned to glare at her for a few seconds before resuming whatever strange thing he was doing. "No." He'd stage-whispered. "It's a _secret._ "

Now, as Leia cleared the table and tidied up the kitchen, Han switched off the datapad he'd been reading and turned to face his son. "So, what's the secret, bud?"

Ben glanced towards the kitchen before leaning almost comically close to Han's ear. "I'm making Mommy a party."

Han raised an eyebrow. "A party? What for?" He tried to sound like he actually believed him, but, stars, Leia was much better at this kind of stuff.

"Because a lot of her family got blowed up on Adelraan." He'd mostly grown out of it, but Han couldn't help smiling at Ben's mispronunciation of the word. "And they probably gave her parties like you give me parties. _So…_ we need to give her a party to show her that we're her family too."

Somehow Ben's four-year-old logic was the most brilliant thing Han had heard in a long time. He tilted his head, indicating for him to go on as his mind whirled with all the possibilities of how they might pull this off.

"Maybe we can bake her a cake, and buy her presents, and put streamers all over the house in her favorite colors and make her some games and have lots and lots of candy and…and…and- "

Han chuckled. "Okay, buddy, calm down. When were you hoping we could throw this party?"

After a moment of confusion that flashed across his face, Ben giggled. "Daddy, we're not gonna _throw_ the party, that would be silly! You _always_ tell me not to throw stuff."

Han dragged his hand dramatically down his face before reaching out to tickle Ben. "Okay, then, little monkey, we won't throw it. When do you want to _have_ it?"

"Tomorrow?"

A million thoughts rushed through Han's mind at the word. _How are we going to get Leia out of the house? Do I even know how to make a cake? Won't she sense the secrecy anyways? Should we invite anyone? Leia absolutely needs this "party"… and I absolutely have no idea how we're gonna pull it off._

The thoughts were still stealing his attention long after Ben was put to bed and the last of the sun's rays disappeared behind the horizon. Leia seemed to be multitasking, as usual, flicking through holo channels and planning Ben's activities for the next week while Han escaped into the fresh night air.

Once Leia was out of earshot, he snatched a commlink off his belt and held it close to his mouth in an extra precaution that he wouldn't be overheard.

"Luke… I'm gonna need some help."

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Slowly cracking his eyes open and squinting against the sunlight pouring in through the windows, Han gradually woke up, stretching wide in the empty bed. Leia was long gone, chasing her political nonsense like every other day of the year, and Ben, he hoped, was still peacefully asleep and not about to demand he-

"Daddy!" A shrill voice cried, as something hard and decidedly the general shape of Ben's knee slammed into his stomach. So much for getting a few more minutes of peace and quiet.

"Alright, Ben. I'll get up, and I'll be there in a minute to make you breakfast and turn on your-"

"Yeah, yeah, but _Daddy_ , did you plan out Mommy's party yet?"

And… there he was, slammed back into reality. Geez, couldn't they just let a guy rest for once?

"Yeah, kid, I did plan some of the party, but I'm gonna need your help." There was no way he couldn't smile at Ben's eager nod. Even with his black hair a tousled mess and his cheeks still faintly pink from sleep and excitement, he still looked dead serious and ridiculously adorable. "First of all, think you can keep it a secret all day? I can tell you're already pretty excited."

The visible attempt to calm himself down had Han biting his lip as he tried not to laugh. "Yup. I can do it, Daddy! How's it all gonna work out?" Even at four years old, Ben wanted every detail of every moment in every story. He didn't settle for brief accounts.

"Uncle Luke's gonna help us out, he's going to pick up Leia and they'll "catch up" while we prepare." Ben grinned at him, and Han grinned back. For some reason he never felt more like a team, like father and son.

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"Luke, I'd love to…talk… but I just got home, and I have to prepare dinner and… stars, who knows where Han took Ben off to this time…"

Luke's expression didn't change during Leia's ramble, and it didn't seem like she had changed his mind much either. "Just for an hour or two, Leia. Dinner can wait – Han is probably spoiling Ben with treats right now anyways."

Well, the last part was true at least. Leia wasn't sure whether Han was trying to make up for his practically non-existent childhood by offering Ben everything he could want, or if he was just a pathetically clueless parent. Bit of both, if she had to guess.

"Besides, you need a break from the constant work. It's not good for you."

Leia brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face and sighed, wondering why she had thought she could outdo Luke in a battle of stubbornness in the first place. "Fine, I'll come, but not for long, Luke. I have a family, you know."

Luke turned away so she wouldn't see his smile. Family seemed to be quite the theme of the day.

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Ben licked his fingers, still sticky from his very important job of scraping every last drop of cake batter off of the bowl. Seated on the counter, his eyes tracked the frantic movements of his father, who was scrambling to prepare a party and entertain a four-year-old boy simultaneously.

"Daddy? Is she almost here _now_?" After the seventh time, Han had lost track of how many times he had answered the question, trying to hide how increasingly panicked he was becoming – especially since this time he had the answer Ben was looking for.

"Yes, Bennie, Mommy is going to be home in a few minutes, so can you please try not to talk - hey! Don't kick the cabinets! -and let me work for – ah! The cake!" Man, this was a lot more stressful than it looked. Han was going to have a whole new level of respect for Leia the next time she managed to organize a banquet in just under two hours.

The mental list was dragging on and on – _get the cake out of the oven, clear off the counter, blow up a few balloons, make sure the dinner is cooling properly, take out the trash, turn the lights off –_ and Ben's interruptions every five seconds weren't making things go any faster.

"You know, I think we should have bought the lighter blue streamers instead."

Han ignored him.

"Why is it called a "party"? What does that even have to do with parties at all?"

Han continued to slide the cake out of the oven, testing it for readiness.

"Oh! I can feel her! Mommy's gonna be here in like twelve seconds!"

Han jumped, slamming his hand into the burning metal of the oven and barely managing to place the cake on the stove before the distinct sound of the keypass being entered sounded in their apartment. "Kriff!" he swore, shoving the dirty pots and wet towels into a random cabinet in the hope that she wouldn't find them until he had a chance to properly clean up.

And that was how Leia found them – Ben seated on the counter with chocolate smears around his mouth and kicking at the cabinets and Han staring at her like a kid caught stealing sweetpops, with a piece of green paper hanging off his hair and flour sticking to his eyelashes. The table was a mess; it wasn't hard to find traces of cake ingredients, party decorations and cleaning supplies within the sticky, jumbled clutter.

She turned to Han for an explanation, smiling at the expression on his face – the pathetic cross between a cringe and a grin that was so characteristic of her golden-hearted scoundrel husband.

"Surprise?"

Ben snapped into action at the word, hopping off the counter and snatching Leia's hand, dragging her to the living room and stopping before what looked like a wall made of streamers. "Me and Daddy made it for you!" The bright smile on his face was so earnest, so genuine, Leia couldn't help but catch some of his excited spirit. "It's a door of streamers - you get to go through 'cause you're a princess. We even made it the colors of Al-der-aan!" His non-stop chatter slowed for an instant as he made sure to pronounce her planet's name right. "I'll just hold your hand and take you through the princess-door, and…"

For a second, Leia let herself revel in the love she could feel radiating from Han and Ben, let herself think of nothing but her family and how above and beyond her wildest dreams these little imperfect perfections were. She let herself pretend, for one moment, that she was back on Alderaan, making her entrance at some royal ball, that she was joining in the dance, being swept into some prince's arms….

It was only when someone's very real lips gently kissed her own that she realized it was no daydream; Han was holding her, kissing her, ruffling Ben's hair as he tried his best to join in. " Love you, sweetheart," Han whispered in her ear.

She smirked. "I know."

Han opened his mouth to speak, but Leia beat him to it, holding up her hand in a gesture of confusion. "This… this is amazing, but…why? It's not my birthday, it's not a holiday, it's nothing special, why the whole party?"

"It's-" both Han and Ben replied at the same time. Han gestured for Ben to go on; his son was sure to be far more eloquent even at four years old than Han would ever be.

"It's because a lot of your family was blowed up on Alderaan. And we wanted to give you a party because we're your family too, and we love you."

There - It was as simple as that. Han shook his head at the ease with which Ben had come up with an explanation. They were her family too, and they loved her. He chuckled and placed his hand on Leia's shoulder.

" _And…_ while we're talking about Alderaan… with a little credits and a lotta charm, I managed to find… _this_." He whipped a bottle out from behind his back and wrapped his arms around his wife as she struggled not to cry.

"T-Toniray _wine_? How did – how did you…?"

Han grimaced slightly. "Okay, Lando helped a little… a lot."

Leaning on Han's shoulder, her hand brushing Ben's cheek as Han lifted him to join the embrace, Leia laughed, a bit shakily. "How many people did you get in on this mess?"

Han leaned in closer and kissed her nose. His younger self would have laughed in his face if he'd told him that this imperfect life was the definition of perfection.

"Just family"


End file.
